We kicked off this episode right after a Sunday movie night. Honestly, it was one of those screenings that left us feeling a little off, not just because of the movie, but because of the other people in the theatre.
There’s nothing quite as annoying as trying to watch a horror movie while a group of teenagers at the back of the theatre narrates the entire thing out loud. Phones out, questions flying, voices raised… we just couldn’t deal. Arthur half-joked about installing an EMP field device in theatres to block all phone signals, and, honestly, it’s not a terrible idea.
So we were already a little cranky walking into this one, which might’ve colored our reactions to what we watched: Osgood Perkins’ latest film, Keeper. It’s his second release this year, and despite our best hopes, we walked out with mixed feelings.
Trying to Untangle the Plot of Keeper
Here’s what we gathered about the movie: a couple heads out to a remote cabin to celebrate their anniversary. Pretty quickly, things go sideways. It turns out the guy, Malcolm, is stealing people’s life forces to stay young.
Why? How? What makes Liz, the woman, special?
We weren’t entirely sure. Arthur straight up admitted he didn’t understand what was going on, and honestly, Meaghan wasn’t far behind. Maybe we were just tired. Maybe the storytelling was fuzzy. Probably a mix of both.
Even the official IMDb synopsis didn’t help much. “A romantic anniversary trip to a secluded cabin turns sinister when a dark presence reveals itself, forcing a couple to confront the property’s haunting past.” Okay… sure. That’s technically true, but it barely scratches the surface.
As we watched, it felt like there were deeper themes trying to come through. Meaghan picked up on some of the metaphors, like how the film might be addressing issues of control, mistrust, and emotional trauma in relationships, especially from a woman’s perspective.
But none of it landed cleanly. It was like the movie was trying to say something meaningful about love gone wrong, about emotional damage and survival, but the pieces didn’t quite come together.
Where Keeper Struggles: Writing, Tone, and Character Dynamics
Here’s the thing: we really wanted to like this movie. We were rooting for it. But there were some serious problems that we just couldn’t ignore.
For one, the tone was all over the place. By the time we got to the third act and started to piece together what was actually happening, we were already checked out emotionally. The pacing made it hard to stay engaged, and that’s a shame because the core idea had potential.
The writing also didn’t help. A lot of the dialogue, especially between female characters, felt off. Meaghan pointed out that the way Liz and her friend Mags spoke to each other felt really unnatural.
It was trying to be relatable or quirky, but it just didn’t ring true. There was one line about a cardigan being beige that was supposed to be cute, but it just ended up being weird. Nobody talks like that, especially not two close friends.
And don’t even get us started on Minka, the model character who gets sacrificed. Her dialogue made no sense. She kept mumbling about wanting an Uber and hating the outdoors, and it felt like a caricature of a person rather than an actual character. Honestly, it felt lazy. Like the writers didn’t care enough to make her feel real.
There were too many loose threads by the end. Darren, Malcolm’s sleazy cousin, shows up, causes chaos, and then disappears with no explanation.
Is he dead? Did the monsters kill him? Why now? They’d interacted with him before. We were left guessing, and not in a good way. This wasn’t one of those satisfying mystery films where you want to rewatch it to catch all the clues.
This was more like, “Wait, what just happened?”
What Keeper Did Well: Performance, Cinematography, and Design
Despite our gripes, we did find things to appreciate.
First up, Tatiana Maslany. She’s incredible. Always has been. Meaghan raved about her performance, and rightfully so.
Even when the writing was clunky, she managed to make her character feel raw and believable. The fear, the confusion, the heartbreak, it all came through in a way that was so grounded. She deserves way more credit than she gets. Can we stop calling her underrated already? She’s just great, full stop.
The cinematography was another major win. Shot by Jeremy Cox, the film looked stunning.
There were these beautiful, unsettling shots of the cabin and the surrounding woods. Even when we weren’t sure what was going on plot-wise, we couldn’t stop admiring how good it all looked.
The house itself was like a character: weird angles, strange layouts, open spaces that somehow felt claustrophobic. Arthur was obsessed with the architecture and already wants to rent the place (because, of course, he does).
We also really liked the sound design. Whispers through vents, eerie silence between scenes, the ambient forest noise, it all worked together to build a genuinely creepy atmosphere.
If you stripped away the confusing plot and just watched this movie on mute with a moody soundtrack, you might walk away loving it. It’s that visually and sonically rich.
And the creature design? Wild. There were some genuinely freaky visuals.
Not over-the-top, jump-scare monsters, but weird, almost folk-horror-style entities that had us both leaning in. That part delivered. We wish there had been more of it and that it had tied into the story better, but still, props to the design team for making something so cool and strange.
Final Thoughts: Lost Potential and Looking Ahead
At the end of the day, we landed somewhere around three out of ten digs. Maybe six and a half if we’re being generous.
We weren’t mad at Keeper, just disappointed. It had everything going for it on a technical level: a strong lead, a talented cinematographer, great set design, and eerie sound work.
But the writing just didn’t back any of it up. The story was too confusing, too incomplete, and the dialogue often felt unnatural.
What’s frustrating is that you can feel the ambition behind this movie. We could tell that it was reaching for something deeper, maybe a metaphor for emotional abuse, a story of feminine power, or even a commentary on the masks we wear in relationships. But it never stuck the landing. Too many unanswered questions, too much ambiguity, and not enough payoff.
That said, we’re still interested in what Osgood Perkins does next. He’s got a unique voice in the horror world, and even when it doesn’t work, it’s still interesting.
We’d rather watch a bold miss than a safe, formulaic win. So we’ll be there for the next one, hoping he finds that balance between weird and coherent.
In the meantime, we’re turning our eyes toward December releases, including the upcoming Silent Night, Deadly Night remake.
Plus, we’ve got some “childhood trauma” episodes in the works and maybe a fun collab on the horizon. So even if Keeper didn’t keep us thrilled, there’s still plenty of horror goodness coming your way.